i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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