Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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