dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
