I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
