If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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