A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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