If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
