Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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