No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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