I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
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just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
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Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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