i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
