I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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