He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
