so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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