just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
