She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
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Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
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Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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