no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
