There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
