He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
