fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
