i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
