I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
