I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
