she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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