She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
you made out with another girl for some wings
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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