My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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