So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
