Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dignity is for republicans.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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