Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
