woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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