I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
