I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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