U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
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