I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
