dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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