I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
