its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
