new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
