yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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