Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
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Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
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I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize