ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
