i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
