I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
