we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
