I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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