ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
