he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Loading more great texts...