We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize