don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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