he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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