my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
