I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
