Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
