Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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