Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
