My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
