We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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