I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
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Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?