Will you blow on my dice?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
