If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest