let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
