How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
