dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
