if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
