I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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