They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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