I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
