i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
