If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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