Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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