bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
