I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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