just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
