what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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