Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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