...so i touched it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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