Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I currently don't understand fingers.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
