wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
