she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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