dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
