Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
