Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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