I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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