Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
