I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I checked into jail on foursquare
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
